Gatesy: Okay, there was Footloose, Pauline Hanson in gaol, alpacas, pickles,  
      T-shirts with stupid phrases on them...   
Scod:        Specifically, "Kiss Me Then Pork Me".   
Gatesy: Yeah, that's the one. And it's sort of a Beach Boys thing... more  
      from the "pet sounds" era...   
Yon:        Less than the "surf's up"... well, I dunno, "surf's up" is later...  
      let's not get bogged down in Beach Boys history.   
Gatesy: And there's a little bit of Beastie Boys in there too.   
       
 
G      G                        Am             E 
Tripod: If it is true that there's just six degrees of near,   
         F      C    D 
      Why am I so lonely?   
         G                   Am        E 
      I drift from town to town nomadically.   
            F      C            D 
Gatesy: Nobody wants me, 'cause fame is so fickle,   
            F             C 
      If this town's a burger,   
           D (let ring) 
Tripod: Then I am the pickle.   
             
Scod:        It's about Kevin Bacon, by the way.   
                  D            G 
Yon:        'Cause I get thrown out of the town,   

G & S:        Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...   
      D                  G 
Yon:        Like the burger, you know, sliding down the... I'll leave that.   

G & S:  Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...   
      C              D 
Tripod: Such a shame that I got arrested,   
      G            G7 
Gatesy: For wearing an obscene T-shirt.   
         C              D 
      All it said was, "Kiss Me Then Pork Me",   
         G                G7 
      It's just 'cause my name is...   
                    C     D 
Tripod: ... Kevin Baco___n,   
               Em     C 
      Kevin Baco____n.   
                     C        D                  G 
      It's a joke I'm maki_______n'...   

Gatesy: Bacon - pork... get it?   
            G                         Am             E 
Tripod: But they didn't get it and I'm sittin' here in gaol,   
         F        C            D 
      Doin' the hand-spider movement.   
       
Yon:        People who weren't at this gig will never get this joke... get over it.   
      G                        Am         E       
Tripod: I had to bunk up with a former politician,   
      F         C             D 
Gatesy: I use that term rather liberally.   
         F           C             D 
      Then Pauline busted some rhymes for me.   
       
Gatesy: (Rapping) You feelin' like you failed,   

         Now ya sittin' in gaol,   

         The only thing you have for a toilet is a pail.   
       
         But Kevin, stop dancin'   

         And listen to me, I'm Pauline Hanson,   

         I'll get ya out of here, gotta listen to my plan, son.   
       
Yon:        (Normally) Okay, so now she starts talking. Okay, so what there is is, right...   

Gatesy: Why have you stopped bustin' out the rhymes, man?   

Yon:        'Cause there's a lot of information in this next bit and I think it'll be a  

      bit clearer if I...   

Gatesy: Okay, before you tell me that, can I just do another chorus?   

Yon:        Yeah.   
                  C   D 
Tripod: Kevin Bacon,   
               Em  C 
      Kevin Bacon.   
                     C   D                  G 
      It's a joke I'm makin'...   

Gatesy: Get it?   
       
Yon:        No, no, I don't get it. Are you making fun of me?   

Gatesy: No, no, I'm not making fun of you, Pauline.   

Yon:        'Cause... 'cause I know what xenophobia is - it's making fun of the Chinese.   

Gatesy: No!   
       
         Pauline... Pauline, tell me about that plan.   

Yon:        Oh, yeah...   

Gatesy: About escaping, yeah?   

Yon:      Yeah. Okay, so there's an alpaca, right? You know, you probably see him  

      around - the gaol alpaca.   

Gatesy: Oh, the gaol alpaca!   

Yon:        And I reckon if you can get him up to about 70 miles per hour, I reckon  

      you can clear that fence.   

         You know, Steve McQueen-like.   

Gatesy: Cool. Fantastic.   

Yon:        That's basically it.   
            G                        Am             E 
Tripod: So I jumped on the thing that looked just like a camel,   
         F           C             D 
      Mixed with a deer or a pony.   
         G                   Am           E 
      I rode off into the sunset with my alpaca,   
         F       C       D 
      I was no longer alone-y.   
            D                      G 
         Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...   
         D                      G 
      Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...   
            C                   D 
         It's such a shame that I got arrested,   
         G             Em 
      For wearing an obscene T-shirt.   
         Em              D 
      All it said was, "Kiss Me Then Pork Me",   
      G 
Gatesy: It's just 'cause my name is...   
                     C   D 
Tripod:  ... Kevin Bacon,   
               Em  C 
      I'm not fakin',   
                 C          D       
Gatesy: I'm making a statemen',   
                 G      G G G C  C  G 
      I'm Kevin Bacon!